


Theories of Dying

by naboru



Category: Transformers (Dreamwave Generation One)
Genre: Dark, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-12
Updated: 2011-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-21 05:42:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/221573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naboru/pseuds/naboru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the monthly challenge at LJ over on tf_ic_prompts. Prompt: Vivid Memory for Dreamwave Sunstreaker. "His most vivid memory was his death." (mentions of scenes from Dreamwave's <i>War Within - The Dark Ages</i> and <i>Prime Directive</i>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Theories of Dying

**Title:** Theories of Dying  
 **Warnings:** dark  
 **Continuity:** Dreamwave G1 (mentions of scenes from _War Within - The Dark Ages_ and _Prime Directive_ )  
 **Character:** Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, mentions of the Fallen, Bluestreak, Perceptor  
 **Prompt:** Vivid Memory (Dreamwave Sunstreaker)  
 **Rating:** PG-13 (Not sure, but I better rate higher…)  
 **Summary:** His most vivid memory was his death.  
 **Disclaimer:** Sadly, I own nothing.  
 **Beta:** [ultharkitty](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ultharkitty)

 **Note:** Written for the monthly challenge at LJ over on tf_ic_prompts.

 

 ****

His most vivid memory was his death.

***

It was the evening before lift off. Sunstreaker sat in the rec room of the Ark, trying to ignore his surroundings. He sipped on his energon cube, and saw from the corner of his optics the younger human’s - Spike’s - eyes leaking.

It wasn’t that he didn’t know the word “crying” or “sobbing” and their meaning, but Sunstreaker was never tempted to use the human words for the organics’ habit of losing lubricant and other things. It implied information which he wasn’t eager to know.

Not that it mattered anymore.

The room was filled with mechs and humans, who simultaneously celebrated and grieved as they exchanged good luck wishes and goodbyes.

Sunstreaker shook his head slowly. They acted like there was no coming back to that planet, and it was irritating. A few humans would go with them, so they needed to return. Heavily, he heaved air through his intakes as he thought about the whole situation.

It was odd. Finally, they were able to go home, and still it felt not quite _right_.

“Hey, Sunny! What’s wrong?” Sideswipe interrupted his trail of thoughts when he sat down on the opposite chair.

The yellow frontliner didn’t answer, but revved his engine to a growl, which could be heard even over the music.

Sideswipe ignored the wordless warning not to call him by that nickname again and continued casually: “Well, you know you could be happy for a change… I mean, we’re going back to Cybertron.”

“Yeah, I know…” He looked over the crowd to a human of the American government, or something. He had never really understood the institutions of human society. “Still…”

Frowning, his brother sighed. “You’re acting like Red Alert…”

“Ah, c’mon, you can’t tell me you don’t think it’s weird. Of course, yeah, we’re going back, but why now? When they were able to do all this, why not twenty years ago?”

The answer he got from Sideswipe was only a shrug and the scratching of his nose.

Sunstreaker continued; this time disgust in his voice. “And we’re _taking_ humans with us…!”

“You’re such a spoil-sport. They helped us to catch the ‘cons. That’s… you know, like payment or something. And when we’re back, you can avoid them… Seriously, I don’t get your bad vibes.”

“Ever thought about how Cybertron looks now? Even if we bring Megs back as a captive, there’re still enough ‘cons on the planet.” Sunstreaker took another sip of the energon. “And Shockwave is still on the loose with his freaky triple changers! That makes it so _cosy_ to get home.”

“Hey, with Megatron gone, he won’t have chance.” Sideswipe grinned confidently, but Sunstreaker only gave him an intense look, and the smile vanished. “You know, it seems like you don’t really want the war to end when you act like this.”

“…you know that’s not true! It’s not the end of the war that bothers me, it’s _how_ it ends… It feels _wrong_.” And it was like a cut in his pride that the Autobots needed the help of puny fleshlings to finish something they couldn’t do themselves in millions of years.

Sideswipe leant back. “I don’t care how it ends…” He mused, and Sunstreaker knew his brother’s smirk was just as faked as his cheerful tone. “It’s nice to know that we don’t need to fight every minute again. We can go back to the things we did before the war, and, you know, _live_ … And I mean it’s good that I don’t need to worry that you might die…” _‘Again’_.

The last word stayed unspoken, but Sunstreaker heard it anyway.

He didn’t answer his brother, because there was nothing to say. Taking a sip from the cube in his hand, he tried to keep the memories buried.

\---

 _Iacon, Level Zero._

 _When the missile left Sunstreaker’s launcher, he already knew that it was futile._

 _Sunstreaker had faced many enemies of different kinds, but all of them were of the same origin. This enemy, however, was something else…_

 _The moment it hit him, he only had the energy for a single cry, before he was paralysed by the sensory input._

 _He had always thought he knew the meaning of “pain”. Since war and even before, he had experienced enough feelings that fit the definition of the word. His very life had started with “pain”, and the awareness of being incomplete and possessing only a half spark…_

 _But_ this _wasn’t pain, it was the feeling of un-life. It wasn’t dying, but the sensation of finality and_ death _. His CPU was unable to process this information, and there was not a single warning in his HUD._

 _He didn’t scream anymore, because he couldn’t._

 _He was dead, only he was conscious of it._

 _His brotherly bond flared, shattered and vanished. And for the first time in is life, he knew the meaning of being utterly alone._

\---

“You okay?” Sideswipe’s voice broke the spell of the memory, and Sunstreaker tried to keep his trembling under control.

“Yeah, ‘course I am.” It was a lie, and they knew it both. “I’m going to recharge. Tomorrow will be a long day…”

He didn’t give his brother another look as he stood up.

\---

The feeling that is was wrong to go didn’t leave him, and Sunstreaker shifted on his seat.

The _Ark II_ was ready for lift off. The ship stood upright, facing the sky.

The Autobot scientists, engineers and even medics had worked together with the humans to build a space ship, which was the zenith of mankind’s engineering. It was merely average by Cybertronian standards, though.

It was not as huge as the original _Ark_ , but big enough to carry all the Autobots and the Decepticons, who were in stasis lock, back to their home planet.  
When the engines were started, an agitation took over the ship. Every one of the crew could feel the fight of machines working against gravity as the space ship struggled to reach escape velocity.

The mass of metal accelerated slowly, and, Sunstreaker thought, it was so utterly different than the feeling of flying inside a Cybertronian vessel.

Even as their altitude increased, the rattling didn’t subside, and Perceptor mentioned the first malfunction.

Doubts arose, and mechs talked simultaneously, most of the voices in anxious tones.

The moment when everything began to tremble and to shake even more, panic spread around them. Some Autobots yelled and the first parts broke apart.

Next to Sunstreaker, Sideswipe sighed tiredly, and on another seat further along Bluestreak asked with a vocaliser full of static: “We’re gonna die, aren’t we?”

Sunstreaker couldn’t recognise which emotion led the gunner to say it, because the noise of raging engines made it inaudible. Shaking his head, he offlined his optics and rubbed his temple.

Quietly, he muttered to himself: “Slaggin’ human-made scrap!”

Then the ship exploded, and Sunstreaker died a second time.


End file.
